Today I am thankful because I was raised by not one person but a whole family. Never have I seen a family come today and put so much effort to provide all of its members with love, shelter, and hope. Who knows what I did to deserve this but I’m so happy I got to experience everyone coming together. I honestly wouldn’t be here without them. They have showed me the true meaning of compassion, selflessness, sacrifice, anything you could think of they taught me. I’ve even had people not in our family give me love and care. I have to say that I’m pretty lucky that my family and other people have become the foundation and guardians that have kept me stable and safe. I don’t know who to thank for this experience so I’ll just thank life for its twists and turns. These people are one of the things that life has given me that I’m absolutely proud and thankful for.
Looking back at my younger years I remember being happier. I didn’t constantly put myself down, stress, compare, and get as upset as much as I do now. I’m not quite sure when things starting going down high and I wish I could have prevented it. I miss that naive girl. I mean thinking back I wasn’t happy happy but I had a certain way of thinking. I was more positive, outgoing, and lived for making others happier even if I couldn’t make myself happy. But now I’m more isolated, quiet, awkward, distant, and unhappy than ever. Before I would put it behind me and just put a smile on but now I just wallow, smile a bit and have breakdowns every so often. Maybe all that venting/ running away from my problems have caught up with me but I don’t even have the energy.
The thing with me is that not a lot of people give me a chance. I’m not loud, outgoing, daring, crazy, or charming. I’m just really shy and quiet. It’s not like I chose to be this way, it’s my nature. I’m more reserved and it takes a while until I open myself to a person and most people don’t want to go through the trouble. I wish I could be more outgoing and fun but it’s difficult. And lately I’ve just given up altogether because I try my best and its not enough for some. I tried convincing myself that I didn’t need anyone but deep down I knew I did. I want to have more friends and be close with people but it is so difficult for me to try to be more social when I just get knocked down repeatedly.
When I was little I used to believe that all our tears combined with each other to create oceans. I would get really grossed out when water got in my mouth because I thought I had tears in my mouth.
On Monday I found out New York City was going to have fireworks for the spring by Central Park on Wednesday at 7:45pm so I asked Luis if we could meet up some how and go to which he agreed.
On Wednesday, I left after class to go on the bus to port authority. I was pretty early so I waited for Luis and I honestly was so nervous. I had so many butterflies and kept looking at the terminal he would be coming out because he said he might be earlier than the estimated time he had given me. So I was standing there with my hoodie on because well that’s what I do sometimes. Then this guy walked by and stopped and asked me if I was okay and I said yes. He continued to walk and I thought to myself “maybe he thought I was sad because I look nervous? I’ll just smile then”. I see that guy walk back the opposite way and after 3 minutes and walks past me again but this time he said “watch your back”. And all I said was “..thhanks” because what should you say to that?!
Anyways, a few minutes passed and a police officer came and said I look really young and asked what age I am. I told him my age and he asked for my I.D so I looked through my book bag and it wasn’t there. I had forgotten it in my dorm so I told him I didn’t have it but that I have my college I.D and showed it. He saw it and told me about runaways and to follow him. He thought I was a runaway! He asked if I was waiting for anyone and I said yes and that they were coming soon but that didn’t matter (he probably thought I was going to runaway with the person).
So he takes me to this police office with runaway pictures all over the wall and all I can think is “oh my god…why do these things always happen to me?!”
They ask for my information and I give it to them and I tell them I can give them my brothers’ number to confirm my age but they said no because they can fake my age and I tell them my brother’s girlfriend can confirm it (she works for the government so she can’t lie) and they said no. They told me to leave my phone on the table and to sit while they contact my school to confirm my age.
I’m there sitting and looking around and I see handcuffs on every chair and some of the officers start complaining after one of the officers left. They were saying how my brothers are 30 and 41 and how they wouldn’t lie because they aren’t teenagers. Then this other officer says that thy should just call the FBI and I get a crazy amount of thoughts in my head and all I want to say is that it’s not that serious.
One of the officers calls my school to confirm my age and my school tells them that they cannot give my information out because there’s a law against it. I’d have to give them permission. I tell the officer that I’ll tell them now and she says no because I could be a fake person impersonating myself or whatever so I have to write out a consent to give my information out. I do that and after 45 minutes, my school calls and confirms my age. I become a free woman.
Note to future self and everyone else in the world: don’t be forgetful and forget your ID. You might get accused of being a runaway and faking your college ID because it doesn’t have your birthdate or school number on it.